Here’s the thing about pasts. They don’t really exist. I’ve done a lot of thinking about the notion that people are victims of their pasts or chained by the idea that they are the way they are because of their pasts. I say that a past doesn’t really exist because it’s a fragment of our memory. It’s not something we can relive in real time. We can choose to relive it in our thoughts, and our truth about the way things happened are blurred by our positive or negative thoughts about the way they went down. I know I’m getting philosophical on you, but just bear with me. If you argue with your past, you will lose 100% of the time. Everything that has ever happened, did for a reason. I truly believe that. I believe that something divine led you to this very moment. Every choice you’ve ever made. Every hand you’ve been dealt. Led you right here, reading this blog. You don’t have to be a victim of happenstance. Things happened for you, not to you. Things are still happening for you instead of to you. The future is just an imagination and the past is just a memory. Be present in today and live it like it’s the best day of your life because it very well could be. Thanks for spending moments of your one life reading my words. I’ll always love you for it. Here’s what I would say to younger Britt, knowing what I know now.
Dear Past Me:
Age 7: You don’t know it yet, but you’re special. I promise you that life isn’t always what it seems right now. Keep your head up because everything in life is temporary – the good times and the bad. Just know that you are loved and will continue to be loved. It’s okay to be a kid. It’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to have a different opinion. Speaking up is okay. I know you’re starting to have big dreams for yourself. You never stop that. Try not to fall into the comparison trap just yet, little beauty. I love you.
Age 14: They say, “The popular girls don’t really amount to much.” I know you want to fit in, and you do. You don’t have to be anything but authentically yourself to do so. High school is new and exciting. Nothing is ever a big deal right now. You’re going to think it is, but I promise you, it’s not. Just be young and carefree. Problems aren’t problems right now. You’ll soon discover it never feels like home. I see your mask. Your smile. You constantly give out compliments because you don’t want anyone to feel insecure like you. Be the nice girl, always. It works in your favor later. You start a blog being the nice girl. 😉
Age 18: You get into college. Stop worrying about that. You have a 4.6 GPA, chill out. You’re just 18. Don’t worry about graduation – it’s only the beginning for you, not the end. Also, you literally never speak to anyone you graduated with except for 2-3 people. Don’t be sad, though. They’re not your people in the end. You love him, I know, but don’t let it destroy you when it ends. “Forever” is just something guys say to confuse your heart. Gosh, I wish you knew this now. He’s not the person you thought he was, but no one really is for a while. Please don’t forget that you’re special being uniquely you. Enjoy U.K.! It goes by so fast.
Age 21: I know you’re broken and confused. I know you look in the mirror and don’t know who you are anymore. You’ve lost those innocent qualities that you cherished, but that’s growing up. I know the classes seem impossible sometimes and you really can’t find your place. The friendships remind you of high school because they feel inauthentic. But that’s because you’re actually inauthentic. You’re trying on a few ways of being, and without living in your truth, you can’t find your people. Spoiler alert: they make it to you very soon. <3 The boys aren’t who you think they are. They don’t love you. They don’t even love themselves. You still believe in love right now, and try to always keep that. Even though guys are selfish, foolish little boys and they hurt you over and over because you want to see the best in them. Don’t forget that although you’ve never felt it yet, you’re still very special.
Age 25: It’s not your fault. He’s just not ready. Don’t harbor self-blame. You tried again and got let down again, but it’s okay. You never view relationships the same after this, but please try to be fair. The other guy you try to like ends up super sucking, so that’s a spoiler alert for you. Don’t get too invested. You see the queen you want to be now. Last spoiler alert: You become her.
Every moment that has ever been true to me, has led me to this person I am today. Every moment that has ever been true for you, has led you to who you are. I don’t think that if any part of my past was missing, that I’d have set out on a journey of self-love and discovery. I wouldn’t have spent the past year and a half learning who I am at my very core being. I wouldn’t be as patient or as willing to focus on my calm. I now feel I’m becoming the very best version of me. My spirit is truly calm. My people have found their way to me. Regardless of what happens in the near and far future, I’m so grateful to have lived and breathed through every single day of my life and my past. Now I just wonder: what will my 35-year-old self say to my now 28-year-old self. What will my 50-year-old self say to me now? It’s so interesting to me. I hope you enjoyed a glimpse into my past. I tried to keep it vague but personal. If you could tell your past self anything, what would it be? Go comment over on my IG @brittmoses or on my Twitter @britt_moses
Love and light.