Once upon a time… ok, it’s not that close to a fairytale. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite of your average fairytale. Just like my life. If anyone knows nothing about fairytales it’s me. I don’t know what it’s like to be swept off your feet by someone who means it. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone fall crazy in love with me and tell me they can’t live without me. Yes, someone has said it, but they didn’t mean it. And yes, I’ve experienced love, but my version isn’t the version in the stories. My version ends… every time. My version keeps me single because it’s taught me a lot. My version will hopefully teach you how to stop settling for the wrong guys and start living your life for you, and letting Mr. Right come when it’s… right. This is the story of Cinderella, except – not.
I love love. I think it’s magic. But there was a time in my life that I didn’t believe in love anymore. I thought it was something people wanted to believe in because it made them feel special to have someone to call their own. It makes people feel worthy of someone’s attention and affection. It gives you these warm feelings in your stomach because you just feel so lucky. I’ve been there. I’ve had my heart feel like it was floating, and I would have sacrificed my world to make him happy. I wanted to be the best me I could be to make sure he was taken care of and felt lucky to have someone like me. I was so lost in him that I lost me. Then when he ripped my heart out, I was surprised! How could he make me feel so broken? So small? So empty? How did I let a man have such power over my happiness? I vowed: Never Again.
Then there was the one I thought was The One. I still to this day have tugs at my heart missing the connection I had with my other wrong fit. I wanted him to work so badly that I took him back over and over and over, just praying things would be different that time. I kept making excuses for him, saying to myself that once (insert stupid scenario here) happens, we will be perfect and nothing will stop us. We laughed until we cried. We had passion and good conversation and just a genuine connection and oh my God I loved him. But, we ended… once I learned my lesson.
Here’s the thing about lessons. God will continue to put you in the same situation over and over and over again until you learn it. If you don’t learn your lesson the first time, there will be a second time, or a fifth time, however many times it takes. If you don’t learn your lessons, you’ll have to experience situations that help you learn them over and over until you get the freaking message. You have to take self-responsibility, get out of your comfort zone, and understand that you are love, you are made of love, and you are the love in the world connected to all sources of love. And then, you have to love yourself. I’ll elaborate more on this in other blogs.
I can tell you though, that people operate out of either love or fear. There are no other sources to pull from. When you find yourself operating from a place of fear (I’ll be alone forever. I don’t know if I’ll ever find love again. Who else would want me? Am I loveable?), you have to switch back and come from a place of love and humility. (I am passionate and smart. I deserve love because I am love. I am a good woman with so much to offer. Whoever wins my heart will be lucky.) But so often we try to make the shoe fit when it’s just not our size.
That’s where the Cinderella story comes in. As we all know, Cinderella is one lucky bitch. Sure, she had a hard life working for her rude stepmom and stepsisters, but she found love on her first try. Like, who does that?! She gets taken to this fancy ball in glass slippers and meets a freaking prince and he just loves her at first sight and vows to find her after the chariot turns into a pumpkin and she goes back to her normal life. No one relates to Cinderella, I’m sorry. But, many of us relate to the stepsisters. The stepsisters dreamed of a life with a handsome prince who adored them. They were so excited to get to go to the ball for just the thought of him noticing them was exciting. Then when he came to their house with the glass slipper, they tried to cram their feet into the slipper until there was blood, just hoping they could make it fit and be with the prince. But the thing was… it’s not their size. It’s not their shoe. It’s not the right fit. It’s not their prince. No matter how bad they wanted it to be.
Like the stepsisters, so many girls and guys want to find the person of their dreams. We have this idea in our head of how we will meet, how it’ll feel when we meet them, and how perfect the whole scenario plays out. But sometimes, it’s just not our shoe. As perfect as someone can be, sometimes they just aren’t perfect for us. Sometimes, it’s someone else’s love story. We can’t force it because that’s just not what love is. It will feel so much better to have mutual love than trying to force it with the wrong one. We end up hurting ourselves more in the long run.
That’s the lesson I learned. Now, I find myself so warm. I’m warm from the inside out. I use warm because I’m no longer cold. I’m full of love and light and I’m working on that every day. I know that when he’s right for me, he will be for me. Then, I can give him all the love I have inside because I’ve been patient in giving that to him. I hope he will feel wrapped in my good vibrations even when he’s not with me. I hope he feels free but committed. I hope he feels empowered to follow his truth and still connected with me. I hope I inspire him to be better, without force or hassle. I hope we share a life together that’s full of love and light because I saved that for him after I learned my lesson.
I hope you learn your lesson. I hope you aren’t settling or forcing it with someone else’s love story. You have to learn to say how you feel and what you mean and learn to let go of anything that’s not serving you. It’s time you get really real with you. I’m at such a good place in my life that I feel whole all by myself. I want that for you too. As soon as someone’s presence feels better than my solitude, that’s it.
Work on yourself. Love yourself. More on this later.
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